351 - Sigh

1. Democrats None of the current Democratic nominees for president, with the exception of Mike Gravel, are honest. They all spend a lot of time spouting rhetoric and never saying anything with any substance. Mike Gravel, from what I can tell, has some legitimate ideas that I agree with (like the legalization of marijuana.) But unfortunately, during these debates, he just loudly chastises the other nominees for their past actions. He comes of as, at best, a curmudgeon (for which which he has the perfect name) or at worst (and possibly most accurately) a nutjob.

2. Republicans On the Republican side, it is pretty much the same story. They have one guy, Ron Paul, who is willing to state his beliefs without worrying about politics. The difference between Ron Paul and Mike Gravel is the lack of insanity. There are some points that I feel Ron Paul goes too far on, but during these debates, I've agreed with virtually everything he's said, especially the infamous "blowback" exchange he had with Rudy Giuliani who proved himself to be either a moron or a deceitful manipulator, or possible both.

3. Goldwater Loses Before watching these debates, I had always associated the Republican Party with the Religious Right, assuming the term "conservative" referred primarily to social and moral issues. I had no idea that it originally referred to financial and governmental concerns. The Republican Party was supposed to be about small government, fiscal responsibility, and individual liberty. So what happened? The Libertarians of today, seem more like traditional Republicans than the Republicans themselves do.

4. Cable News A real problem is our reliance on the news media for information about politics. I'm not a big believer in anti-media conspiracies. I think it is easier to believe in the incompetence of the networks than a plot to keep the public ignorant. But why can't they spend more time informing the public about some of the second tier candidates without coloring the reporting negatively. Ron Paul actually has been getting a bit of mainstream attention due mostly to his online supporters, but virtually every story marginalizes his campaign by claiming his success in the polls is due to "those crazy kids and their computers." Both ABC and CNN, and possibly others, have sunk so low as to remove pro-Paul comments from their online articles, and delete those polls which show him as most popular.

5. Palette Cleanser When Paul inevitably loses the Republican nomination, I suspect he will parlay his new found popularity into another presidential bid, this time running under the Libertarian party's flag. That's enough politics for a while. I'll leave you now with something a little lighter. How would you feel about a baby porcupine being bottle fed? How do you feel about unintended advertising for Quicktime Pro? P.S. I was hoping to have a big celebration when I reached 10.000 page views, but my sitemeter didn't register any for almost 48 hours and that took the wind out of my sails. I'm guessing it was malfunctioning since I've never had a day go by without any visitors before. Anyway, it's right over there in the sidebar, 10,000 plus visitors. Woo-hoo, only took a year to get there. P.P.S. This post probably took me longer to put together than any other I've ever done. It definitely received the most re-edits after publication. You better freaking LOVE it.

320 - Sunday

1. This Oughta be Good Don't forget to watch Kirk Cameron (famous for his role on Growing Pains) and Ray Comfort (famous for suggesting a genetically modified banana proves the existence of god) when they debate the scientific evidence of god with The Rational Response Squad (famous for instigating you-tubers to renounce the holy spirit.) Since none of the participants are actually scientists, I'm sure there will be a lot of incredibly well researched, scientifically valid information presented. Can sarcasm be accurately discerned from the written word without the aid of punctuation based emoticons?

2. Take My Pope...Please The George Bush anti-terrorism scare tactic has been so successful that even the Pope has started using it. After an Italian stand-up comedian, Andrea Rivera, made a few jokes pointing out what he believes to be hypocrisy in the Roman Catholic Church, the vatican issued a newspaper article in which they called Rivera "dangerous" and claim his routine is "terrorism." The thing that surprises me the most about this story is that Italy has its own stand-up comedians.

3. Toasted and Shredded The Creation Museum in Kentucky makes a lot of claims that are one hundred percent contrary to everything modern science knows about paleontology. For instance: Dinosaurs and humans frolicked together happily less than six thousand years ago; Noah's flood was real and his arc was filled with baby dinosaurs to maximize its storage space; When Adam and Eve ate an apple, dinosaurs turned carnivorous; Before that T-Rex used his razor sharp, serrated teeth for breaking open the tough husks of delicious coconuts.

4. Republican Repression Did anyone watch the republican presidential debates last week? It was more boring than the democrats the week before. All the online polls (which we know are not accurate) are claiming Ron Paul came out on top. All the mainstream news shows (which we know are not "fair and balanced") are claiming that victory for either McCain, Giuliani, or Romney. Thankfully, none of the "winners" were among the candidates that raised their hands when asked "Who here doesn't believe in evolution?" that dubious honor goes to Mike Huckabee, Sam Brownback and Tom Tancredo.

5. Holy Water, Holy #@&!!! It might be serious, and I hope Cardinal Francis George didn't hurt himself too badly, but even he might have to admit the comedic potential of a priest slipping and falling in a puddle of his own holy water. At least it wasn't a banana peel. Perhaps the first rule of public swimming pools should apply to church services as well: No Splashing.

270 - with Links!

1. Outed Just before falling asleep on stage, superstar, David Hasselhoff, revealed to a stunned Irish audience that his famous, vehicular co-star, KITT, was a homosexual. No word from Bo and Luke Duke on the sexuality if the General Lee.

2. George W. Hilton All of your favorite male political figures re-imagined as women by a group of master photochoppers.

3. Portland Street Pony Project In order to draw attention to the living history going unnoticed around the city, artist, Scott Wayne Indiana began tethering tiny plastic horses to the antique hitching rings scattered around the curbs of Portland. Soon others joined in with his project and started adding their own horses.

4. For Sale Anybody wanna buy a mammoth?

5. Pedal Powered The Japanese have done it again. They took the time and inginuity to build an awesome human powered, bicycling, roller coaster. The translation comes off a some kind of avant garde poetry. We fear the body, it is recognized that it comes, The wind blowing, when it reaches, already, it is highest now

268 - with Links!

1. The Impaler The presidential race is really heating up now. Jonathon “The Impaler” Sharkey, the nominee for the Vampire, Witches and Pagan Party has vowed, if voted into office, to impale the outgoing president. Of course he is under investigation by the Secret Service, who aren't doing a very thorough job. “They never even asked to see my impaling stick,” says Sharkey.

2. The Perfect Murder A good rule of thumb when planning the murder of your spouse: Don't use your own computer when googling such search terms as "How To Commit Murder," "Undetectable Poisons," or "New Jersey Gun laws." If you have to look this stuff up, considerer reformatting your hard-drive or at least clearing your internet cache.

3. Virtual Chrome There are a couple of ways to see what you might look like with a bald head; Send this guy your picture and then wait a few weeks while he photoshops your hair away (and adds on a bonus goatee.) or just shave your damn head, It is only hair and it will probably grow back.

4. This American Life I just found out that Ira Glass is transposing his classic, long running, public radio program into a television show to be aired on Showtime. If, like me and everybody else, you don't subscribe to Showtime, I'm sure the show will pop up on your favorite bit torrent site sooner or later.

5. The Oklahoma Land Run Another crazy guy built a roller coaster in his backyard

263 - with Links!

1. Class 6 Let's say you just passed your driving test and really want to celebrate. Do you: A. Invite friends over for cake and ice cream. B. Treat your self to a nice dinner. C. Get shitfaced and go out driving your motorcycle. The correct answer is C. Then you should get stopped by the police and have your license revoked.

2. Those Are Some Good Donuts NBC affiliate WAGT really wants you to know how good the new Krispy Kreme donuts are.

3. Electronic Swatchbook The Electronic Swatchbook is a huge collection of high resolution scans of fabric samples. Designers of all types might be able to put this resource to good use.

4. Paper Pilot This game doesn't allow you to design your own or fold some complex planes, but it does have a lot of variables that you can adjust. See how far you can throw your virtual airplave.

5. Baby Knows Presidents What is this about? Why does this baby know the presidents?

250 - with Links!

1. The Fake Till Scam The Real Hustle really is my new favorite television show. By supposedly teaching viewers how to avoid being scammed, they are giving me a lot of good advice on how to scam people. There are tons of short clips on Youtube or you can scam BBC Three and download the entire first two seasons.

2. Financial Independence In 1989 a dude bought a painting at a flea market and found a copy of the original Declaration of Independence stashed in the back of the frame. Just a few months ago, another dude found another copy at a thrift store for $4. I can't even find pants in my size.

3. Hard Core Sitting Aaron Fotheringham rides his wheelchair skatepark-style, and eventually pulls off the world's first recorded wheelchair backflip.

4. Attention Wal-Mart Shoppers John Page was bit on the pinkie by a rattlesnake in the garden center of a Florida Wal-Mart and wants to warn shoppers, "this will happen again."

5. One Quarter John Shaeffer wants to show you how much energy you could conserve by switching from incandecent light bulbs to compact flourescent

231 - Controversy Catch-up

1. Knife? Check. BB Gun? Check. Diapers? Check. Space Shuttle astronaut, Lisa Marie Nowak, loves her copilot, Bill Oefelein, so much that she put on a disguise, collected her pepper spray, rubber hose, knife, etc, drove from Houston to Orlando and tried to kidnap the woman she believed to be his girlfriend. . . all the while wearing diapers so she wouldn't have to take bathroom breaks. An early nomination for craziest story of the year.

2. What's a White House Page? I had never heard of the White House Page program prior to the Mark Foley hubbub last year when the congressman was accused of inappropriate behavior toward the young men working as pages. The program is more popular than ever. Possible reasons: 1. More people know about the program because of the scandal. 2. Fewer people wanted to work in a republican led congress. 3. A bunch of people want to be propositioned by old rich white guys. Last I heard, Foley was in a Scientologist rehab.

3. Got it Bad. Got it Bad. Got it Bad. Former teacher, Pamela Rogers, who in 2005 was arrested for having sexual interaction with one of her thirteen year old students, couldn't leave well enough alone. Two extra years of jail time have been added to her sentence because it was discovered that she sent racy photos and video of herself to the young boy, thus violating the terms of her parole.

4. The Three Week Cure After admitting to buying meth and paying for sex with a male prostitute, The Right Reverend Ted Haggard entered into a three week "intensive counseling" program in which he learned that "he is completely heterosexual." Whew. He has been advised not to return to the ministry so instead he will attempt to earn a master's degree via the internet and become one hell of a great psychologist.

5. Cheap Publicity In order to head off any potential court cases regarding the Great Aqua Teen Hunger Force Mooninite Debacle of 1/31/07, Turner Broadcasting has agreed to pay the city of Boston $2 million. Half will go towards reimbursing the city for the money spent terrorizing its own citizens. The other half will go to incredibly effective homeland security programs. The two patsies that actually hung the things up are still facing charges.

214 - with Links!

1. Fraud It is being reported by a lot of websites and blogs that Sylvia Browne has been caught in another in an ever growing list of "psychic errors." In 2003, she calously reported that a recently missing boy, Shawn Hornbeck was dead. You probably have heard that Shawn was reunited with his family on January 13th.

2. Jungle Girl The BBC is reporting on a "half-human and half-animal" Cambodian girl who has been living in the wild for the the past 19 years. The article is woefully lacking in details and seems sketchy for some reason.

3. Bass Diddley Bow I'm not entirely sure what The Ministry of Hope is all about, but damn, these are some talented kids playing awesome homemade instruments.

4. Welcome Back When Lewis Hill returned home to East St. Lewis from vacation he was surprised to find that the city had demoloshed his home. Another unfortunately, sketchy article without a lot of information and absolutely no input from the city about their side of the story.

5. Internet Justice Be careful about what you say to people in internet chatrooms. Painting by Tim Nyberg.

211 - Old News

1. 911 For anyone that cares anymore, Sting is thinking of reuniting with the Police for a quick money making scheme concert tour.

2. Comet McNaught I'm not sure how I missed hearing about it over the last couple of weeks, but a huge comet, bright enough to see in the daytime, just passed us by. They say it's orbit is straight enough that it might break away from the sun. I guess I missed it forever.

3. One a Day The world's unluckiest bank was robbed twice in a 48 hour period. I have a theory that tons of banks get robbed all the time, but no one reports on the successful ones because thay don't want us to know how easy it really is.

4. Schmaccountant When filing your taxes this year, and if you paid a telephone bill, be sure to get back $40 to $60 by claiming the now repealled telephone exise tax the government has been charging you through the phone companies.

5. Speed Buggy More news from the homemade car department.

209 - Religious Freedom?

1. Arkansas Eight U.S. states have extreme religious intolerance built right into their constitutions. These are mostly provisions intended to ban atheists from holding civil offices, but the wording of these provisions often preclude followers of non-traditional western religions like Buddhists from holding office as well.

2. Pennsylvania Section II: "Nor can any man, who acknowledges the being of a God, be justly deprived or abridged of any civil right as a citizen, on account of his religious sentiments or peculiar mode of religious worship"

3. Tennessee Section 3 and 4 of Article One of Tennessee's constitution guarantees religious freedom in all areas. Later, however, Article Nine, section 2, reneges on those rights by proclaiming "No person who denies the being of God, or a future state of rewards and punishments, shall hold any office in the civil department of this state."

4. Massachusetts The third article of Massachusetts' declaration of rights goes so far as to protect onlyChristian residents of that state although it thankfully does forbid an official state sactioned denomination of Christianity.

5. The Professor and Mary Anne The other states with similar provisions are Maryland, North Carolina, South Carolina and Texas. Of course, these are old timey laws which are rarely enforced, and, when acted upon, have been declared unconstitutional by the federal supreme court. Still, If you live in any of these states, you may want to consider moving..