1. The Impaler
The presidential race is really heating up now. Jonathon “The Impaler” Sharkey, the nominee for the Vampire, Witches and Pagan Party has vowed, if voted into office, to impale the outgoing president. Of course he is under investigation by the Secret Service, who aren't doing a very thorough job. “They never even asked to see my impaling stick,” says Sharkey.
2. The Perfect Murder
A good rule of thumb when planning the murder of your spouse: Don't use your own computer when googling such search terms as "How To Commit Murder," "Undetectable Poisons," or "New Jersey Gun laws." If you have to look this stuff up, considerer reformatting your hard-drive or at least clearing your internet cache.
3. Virtual Chrome
There are a couple of ways to see what you might look like with a bald head; Send this guy your picture and then wait a few weeks while he photoshops your hair away (and adds on a bonus goatee.) or just shave your damn head, It is only hair and it will probably grow back.
4. This American Life
I just found out that Ira Glass is transposing his classic, long running, public radio program into a television show to be aired on Showtime. If, like me and everybody else, you don't subscribe to Showtime, I'm sure the show will pop up on your favorite bit torrent site sooner or later.