Sunday, April 1, 2007

285 - Sunday

What the Pope?!?

1. What the Pope?!?
Pope Benedict XVI wants you to straighten up and follow the rules. If you do not, you will be punished. Hell is not merely a state of mind, as the last pope suggested, but a real, physical place where you will be punished for eternity if you do not do everything the new pope tells you to do. Purgatory, on the other hand is, for the time being anyway, just a theory.

Huff and Puff and Fatwa Your House In

2. Huff and Puff and Fatwa Your House In
Fear of muslim reprisals caused Stile Common Junior School's head teacher, Gill Goodswen, to rewrite the script of the school play, The Three Little Pigs to star puppies instead of pigs. Muslims are forbidden to eat pork, you see.

Baby Jesus with a Beard

3. Baby Jesus with a Beard
Desperately afraid of having an unhealthy baby, Amanda Mclean grasps at the unrealistic idea that an ultrasound scan, which could be interpreted as containing an image of Jesus, is evidence that her baby is blessed. Of course, I wish her the best with her baby, but that picture looks more like a creepy frenchman with a beret or a wild eyed pirate with a giant hole in his head to me... which brings us to our next story.

Humans Share More Than 99.9% DNA with Pirates

4. Humans Share More Than 99.9% DNA with Pirates
As a member of The Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster, Ryan Killian believes that humans evolved from pirates. He wanted to express this belief by wearing an eye patch to school. In theory, freedom of expression extends into the halls of all public schools across the nation. In reality, school officials can easily invoke the slippery, "disruption of class" clause whenever they feel like it.

Micro to Macro

5. Micro to Macro
Computer aided models explain the scientific theory of how populations split between diverse environments observed over many generations evolve first into subspecies and eventually into completely separate species. Youtube commenters debate the reality of the human soul based on bible verses.


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